Online Junk

Junk stuff which usually circulates around the world in the form of email.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

[School of Junk] Nasha chhod do



This is Ultimate!!!! 

Ek Cheeta Cigarette ka sutta lagane hi wala tha ki achanak ek chuha
wahan aaya aur bola
"mere bhai chor do nasha, aao mere sath bhaago, dekho ye jungle kitna
khubsurat hai, aao mere saath duniya dekho"
Cheetay ne ak lamha socha phir choohe ke sath daudhne laga.

Aage ek haathi afeem pi raha tha, chooha phir bola,
"haathi mere bhai chor do nasha, aao mere saath bhaago, dekho ye jungle
kitna khubsurat hai, aao mere sath duniya dekho"
Haathi bhi sath dorne laga.

Agay sher whisky peene ki taiyaari kar raha tha, choohe ne usay bhi wohi
kaha.
Sher ne glass side par rakha aur choohe ko 5- 6 thappar maare.

Haathi bola, "are ye to tumhe zindagi ki taraf le ja raha ha, kyon maar
rahay ho is bechare ko ?"

Sher bola, "yeh Kameena pichli baar bhi cocaine pi kar mujhe 3 ghante
jungle mai ghumata raha".


--

Charles de Gaulle  - "The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs."

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

[School of Junk] new words in the dictionary



Bucknor : (n) (adj)
1. Temporary blindness leading to missing out on the obvious.
2. To be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

3. Situations leading to grave judgmental errors.

Usage: I feel bucknored by my boss;   Life often throws a bucknor at you.


Benson:
(n) (adj)
1. Something that legitimises a severe bucknor.
Usage: First they bucknored me and then they bensoned it! I am toast.

Also see bucknor

 

 


Sunday, October 08, 2006

Not to hurt anyone... especially doctors..

---------------------------------------
7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai.
So they both gather at Pune Station.
Both groups are desperately tryingto prove their
superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :
---------------------------------------
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7
tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC arrives,
All 7 Engineers get in one toilet So when TC knocks ,
one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes
away....


NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct
train
to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till
Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to
PUNE

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :
---------------------------------------------

Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too
are equal"....All 7
Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket
at all!!!!!..
TC arrives....
ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE
OPPOSITE
ONE..

One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors
toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the
ticket and comes in engg. Bathroom...
TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and
they are heavily fined

SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :
-----------------------------------------

SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors
planning their move for last chance, they board the
loc al to Pune.

This time doctors decide that they will play the
same(1 ticket) trick.
ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7
tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their
tickets.....
Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL
train...........

Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are genius, don't mess
with Engineers.

IT sholay


Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.

They reach Ramgad and started shouting: "Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya ".

Thakur [with anger]: "Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai."

Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?"

Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai."

Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.

Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko liya hai, Ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate."

Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain, Kuch bhi kar sakte hain."

Jay hits his keyboard,then says: "jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya ."
AT GABBAR'S DEN...

Gabbar: "Kitne bugs the?"
Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."

Gabbar: "Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega ...aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi... barobar milegi."

[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?"

Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."

Gabbar: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai." [logout - logout - logout]. "Haan ab theek hai... ab tera kya hoga" Kaalia?"

Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."
Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar!

Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha...... Ha......

Ha............................
.................


ENJOY

Thursday, October 05, 2006

[School of Junk] What is B.E?

What is B.E?



8 semesters are there


80GB syllabus



80MB we study



80KB we remember



80 Bytes we answer



BINARY marks we get,



The Degree finally we get is BE





That is Brain E mpty (B.E)

Tragedy?



Tragedy

George Bush is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "TRAGEDY".

One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a TRAGEDY."

"No," Bush says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a TRAGEDY."

"I'm afraid not," explains Bush. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room falls silent; none of the other children volunteer.

"What?" asks Bush.

"Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a TRAGEDY?"

Finally, little Johny raises his hand. In a loud voice, he speaks: "If an airplane carrying George Bush were blown up by a bomb, that would be a TRAGEDY."

"Wonderful!" Bush beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an ACCIDENT, and it certainly would be no GREAT LOSS!"

[PJ] All 5 of us


Solve this when you are a bit relaxed.....!!

A hen and her 3 little chickens were trying to cross a busy highway.
After great efforts they all managed to cross it. One of the little ones yells out happily-"Wow....after so much efforts, all 5 of us managed to cross"....


Qn. Why does the little one say "all 5 of us" ????

Think a little bit ....... Its easy !

Stop scrolling & think .....

SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANS........
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ANS:


ARRE BACHCHE HAIN



KUCH BHI BOL DETE HAIN



TU TENSION MAT LE APNA KAAM KAR
:-D

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

About Diet (Informative)



Foods that Heal
Apples
Protects your heart
prevents constipation
Blocks diarrhea
Improves lung capacity
Cushions joints
Apricots
Combats cancer
Controls blood pressure
Saves your eyesight
Shields against Alzheimer's
Slows aging process
Artichokes
Aids digestion
Lowers cholesterol
Protects your heart
Stabilizes blood sugar
Guards against liver disease
Avocadoes
Battles diabetes
Lowers cholesterol
Helps stops strokes
Controls blood pressure
Smoothes skin
Bananas
Protects your heart
Quiets a cough
Strengthens bones
Controls blood pressure
Blocks diarrhea
Beans
Prevents constipation
Helps hemorrhoids
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Stabilizes blood sugar
Beets
Controls blood pressure
Combats cancer
Strengthens bones
Protects your heart
Aids weight loss
Blueberries
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Stabilizes blood sugar
Boosts memory
Prevents constipation
Broccoli
Strengthens bones
Saves eyesight
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Controls blood pressure
Cabbage
Combats cancer
Prevents constipation
Promotes weight loss
Protects your heart
Helps hemorrhoids
Cantaloupe
Saves eyesight
Controls blood pressure
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Supports immune system
Carrots
Saves eyesight
Protects your heart
Prevents constipation
Combats cancer
Promotes weight loss
Cauliflower
Protects against Prostate Cancer
Combats Breast Cancer
Strengthens bones
Banishes bruises
Guards against heart disease
Cherries
Protects your heart
Combats Cancer
Ends insomnia
Slows aging process
Shields against Alzheimer's
Chestnuts
Promotes weight loss
Protects your heart
Lowers cholesterol
Combats Cancer
Controls blood pressure
Chili Peppers
Aids digestion
Soothes sore throat
Clears sinuses
Combats Cancer
Boosts immune system
Figs
Promotes weight loss
Helps stops strokes
Lowers cholesterol
Combats Cancer
Controls blood pressure
Fish
Protects your heart
Boosts memory
Protects your heart
Combats Cancer
Supports immune system
Flax
Aids digestion
Battles diabetes
Protects your heart
Improves mental health
Boosts immune system
Garlic
Lowers cholesterol
Controls blood pressure
Combats cancer
kills bacteria
Fights fungus
Grapefruit
Protects against heart attacks
Promotes Weight loss
Helps stops strokes
Combats Prostate Cancer
Lowers cholesterol
Grapes
saves eyesight
Conquers kidney stones
Combats cancer
Enhances blood flow
Protects your heart
Green Tea
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Helps stops strokes
Promotes Weight loss
Kills bacteria
Honey
Heals wounds
Aids digestion
Guards against ulcers
Increases energy
Fights allergies
Lemons
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Controls blood pressure
Smoothes skin
Stops scurvy
Limes
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Controls blood pressure
Smoothes skin
Stops scurvy
Mangoes
Combats cancer
Boosts memory
Regulates thyroid
aids digestion
Shields against Alzheimer's
Mushrooms
Controls blood pressure
Lowers cholesterol
Kills bacteria
Combats cancer
Strengthens bones
Oats
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Battles diabetes
prevents constipation
Smoothes skin
Olive Oil
Protects your heart
Promotes Weight loss
Combats cancer
Battles diabetes
Smoothes skin
Onions
Reduce risk of heart attack
Combats cancer
Kills bacteria
Lowers cholesterol
Fights fungus
Oranges
Supports immune systems
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Strengthens respiration
Peaches
prevents constipation
Combats cancer
Helps stops strokes
aids digestion
Helps hemorrhoids
Peanuts
Protects against heart disease
Promotes Weight loss
Combats Prostate Cancer
Lowers cholesterol
Aggravates
diverticulitis
Pineapple
Strengthens bones
Relieves colds
Aids digestion
Dissolves warts
Blocks diarrhea
Prunes
Slows aging process
prevents constipation
boosts memory
Lowers cholesterol
Protects against heart disease
Rice
Protects your heart
Battles diabetes
Conquers kidney stones
Combats cancer
Helps stops strokes
Strawberries
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
boosts memory
Calms stress
Sweet Potatoes
Saves your eyesight
Lifts mood
Combats cancer
Strengthens bones
Tomatoes
Protects prostate
Combats cancer
Lowers cholesterol
Protects your heart
Walnuts
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
boosts memory
Lifts mood
Protects against heart disease
Water
Promotes Weight loss
Combats cancer
Conquers kidney stones
Smoothes skin
Watermelon
Protects prostate
Promotes Weight loss
Lowers cholesterol
Helps stops strokes
Controls blood pressure
Wheat Germ
Combats Colon Cancer
prevents constipation
Lowers cholesterol
Helps stops strokes
improves digestion
Wheat Bran
Combats Colon Cancer
prevents constipation
Lowers cholesterol



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